Of Pressure and Strange New Feelings.
Sebastian Smythe didn’t do love, he just didn’t. He used people, had sex with them and that was that - no emotions, no commitment, nothing. That was how it was, and how it always had been.
So, naturally, when Derek Siegerson came along, he was confused.
He was confused as to why he felt so strongly for this boy, why he cared so much. But still, Derek was sexy as hell and it wouldn’t be long until he succumbed to Sebastian’s charm and all but threw himself into bed with him.
But when he did, that only made things worse.
Sebastian just couldn’t understand why he felt so safe when he was cradled in Derek’s arms. He couldn’t comprehend why he’d held onto the athlete so tightly that he thought he would leave bruises. And when Derek was lying in his bed, exhausted and panting the Warbler certainly didn’t know what motivated him to press a gentle, yet sweet kiss to his forehead before he hurried back to his own room.
So yes, Sebastian was confused, but he was by no means a fool. He knew that if being with Derek made him confused, he should just avoid him. But there was just something about him that was irresistible.
But Sebastian knew that Derek didn’t feel the same way. He saw the way that Derek tried to avoid him when he saw him during classes, the way that he shied away from talking to him. Sebastian saw the way he flinched when he was sweet and gentle with him, and could see the suspicion in the his eyes when he did something kind for no other reason than to make the athlete feel good. To Derek it was just sex, and nothing more.
And that broke Sebastian’s heart because for the first time for such a long time he actually cared about someone other than himself. He had opened himself up to someone and he had been rejected. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, because Sebastian was used to rejection - that was the reason he had those walls in the first place. But he had tried so hard to tear them down, to let someone into his world, which used to be a place where nobody could touch him, a place where he would be safe and loved. But now, it was just filled with pain and heartache.
But Derek could never know how Sebastian felt; he needed the athlete too much. So he would allow the vicious cycle to continue, if only for the reason that when they had sex, Sebastian could pretend that Derek cared about him too. He could pretend that when Derek crushed him gently into his chest, and ran his hands through the singer’s hair, that he actually cared for him.
Yeah, like that was ever going to happen.
Although Sebastian was no fool, neither was Derek. He saw how much Sebastian was hurting inside, how it was tearing him apart. He saw how Sebastian’s eyes shone with unshed tears as he was ignored by the athlete yet again. He noticed how Sebastian looked at him when he thought he wasn’t looking - his eyes held such longing in them, such love.
A love that he could not return.
Well, to be precise, a love that he could not show. Not yet. Not with all the pressure he was under to be perfect. So he had to pretend that it was nothing, that he didn’t feel the same way as his Sebastian.
But somewhere along the line, he had fallen for Sebastian too. And if, occasionally, he let Sebastian cuddle up to him after they’d had sex and whispered sweet nothings in his ear until he fell asleep, or if he gave him a line of hickeys down his spine, just to show that he was Derek’s, and that nobody else could touch him - love him-
Then so what, nobody would ever find out, at least, not until, Derek admitted how he felt about Sebastian, and showing him that he didn’t need to have these wall around him, protecting him.
Derek would protect Sebastian far better than those walls ever could.
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